Genetically Modified Berry compared to Organic Berry:
Note that the modified specimen is bloated to about 3 times the mass of the common berry. Advanced rot has set in prior to maturity and tests revealed 78% more lactic acid in the modified organism.
Upon contact with the modified berry, the picker’s hands exhibited a rash which is clearly visible on the fingers and should not be mistaken for juice stains acquired during picking. While the common berry, of course, has no ill effects on the skin, the modified organism had an effect similar to poison oak and swelling set in shortly after the photo was taken. The discoloration and pain lasted approximately 12 hours with treatment including Neosporin and Syrup of Ipecac.
At 16 hours the specimen went missing and could not be monitored for decay rates. While the common berry remained, the modified berry was spotted the next Tuesday at the corner of Wallace and 12th St. Having grown another meter and a half, the genetically modified berry murdered two prostitutes and became the target of a cross country manhunt. It was last seen on February 20th in Boulder, CO where it has joined with several bananas from the Monsanto corporation and stolen at least two shotguns from the Boulder Police Department.
A manifesto was released online suggesting that the berries intend to strike at our nurseries, killing our young and replacing them with further modified organisms which we will raise as our own. They also intend to “free their enslaved brothers” by treating common fruits and possibly vegetables with mutagens.
The head of the FDA could not be reached for comment as he has gone missing. Only a glass of unidentified red fluid was found in his office, labeled “Extra Pulp”.
The number of people that aren’t reading the whole thing and are hailing it as fact make me laugh harder than the actual story.
My favorite moments from Ms. Marvel Issue #1 - part 2
I thought this thing was funny when I saw it on Pokemon Amie - then I thought of mpgis.
If you are sad today, or hung over, or stressed out, or even if you are fine but could use a giggle, well…kittens on a roomba. NEVER NOT WONDERFUL.
be still my heart
WHEN IT PUSHED THE KITTEN AND IT DOESNT MOVE, JUST SLIDES
I am complete.
The hottest things I’ve ever been told.
I’m just picturing someone screaming “BONJOUR” at a penis
#SACRE BLEU MADEMOISELLE VAGINA#HON HON HON TITTY CROISSANTS
Madara literally shut down Gais greatest accomplishment in life with a tree branch in .0003 seconds
My heart ^_^
Just a perfectly beautiful anecdote. Except for the penguins who had to die to make this story so nice.
when you ship something your friend doesn’t
So yesterday while I was working at the bookstore some girl came up with a barcode tattooed on her wrist. Of course, my first question to her was “Can I scan it?” I guess she had never had it scanned before and was pretty excited about it. She talked about how it was sentimental to her and stuff. I scanned it and she rang up as a bag of Jalapeño Cheetos. She then became livid and, of course, I was dying of laughter.
short list of actors who have not won an oscar:
- james dean
- johnny depp
- brad pitt
- helena bonham carter
- robert downey jr
- glenn close
- will smith
- samuel l jackson
- liam neeson
- sigourney weaver
- tom cruise
- julianne moore
- ralph fiennes
- laura linney
- ed harris
- gary oldman
now will you please for the love of christ shut up about leonardo dicaprio